My friend thinks he’s smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Father: “Why did you tell the driver to remove two tyres from the car?”
Daughter: “The parking sign said: ‘Two-wheelers only’, so I told him to remove two tyres and park there.”
Gagana Srinivas (14) / Stella Maris High School
If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me!
Pappu was putting dahi into the water of the pond.
Golu: “What are you doing?”
Pappu: “Making lassi.”
Golu: “Are you mad? Who will drink so much lassi?”
After reading my answers in the exam, I feel like writing “LOL” at the end of every one of them!
Friend: “I can make you say ‘how’.”
Commerce professor: “What is the most important source of finance for starting a business?”
Teen boy: “I have something very important to ask you.”
Friend: “Okay, ask me anything.”
Teen boy: “What would you say to me if you knew I was gonna die today?”
Friend: “Can I borrow your Xbox 360, PS3, laptop? I’ll give them all back tomorrow.”
Height of job satisfaction
A boy got a job in a girls’ hostel. After two months the manager asked: “Why haven’t you come to the office to collect your salary?”
Boy: “What! You mean I get a salary as well?”
A very pretty girl was standing behind me in the line at the ATM. So I withdrew Rs 25,000 instead of Rs 2,000. Now I have to go to the bank to put it back.
We all have that one cousin who will tell our family members all our Facebook updates!
Wife: “Where are you?”
Husband: “You remember that jewellery shop where you saw that diamond set and liked it so much, but I didn’t have the money to buy it for you?”
Wife (happily): “Yes, I remember!”
Husband: “And you remember how in the same jewellery shop I told you that one day I would buy the diamond set for you?”
Wife (excitedly): “Yes, yes, I remember!”
Husband: “I’m in the restaurant next to that same shop. I’ll be home late.”
Teacher: “What’s your mother’s name?”
Student: “Google Bano.”
Teacher: “How did she get that name?”
Student: “Because wherever I am, she can find me!”
In English Grammar class…
Teacher: “’He does not like girls’. What is ‘He’ in this sentence?”
A group of girls went to see a famous waterfall.
Tour guide: “This is the world’s biggest waterfall. The sound of this waterfall is so great that even if 10 supersonic planes flew overhead, we’d still be able to hear the waterfall easily. Now my request to all you girls… please keep quiet so that we can all hear the waterfall!”
Me: “Say those 3 magical words to me, baby.”
She: “Like my DP.”