He treats me as his sister

I have a crush on a boy who is my neighbour. I know him since childhood as we used to play together with other children, too. As time passed we stopped talking, and I don’t know why, but I still like him. Now he has gone away for his studies and I desperately wait for him. I’ve cried for him a lot. I really want him but he treats me as his sister. This is affecting my performance in studies. I tried a lot to forget him since two years but I am unable to do so.
Vandana (15)

Dear Vandana,

You seem to have a crush on a phantom from the past and not a real person of today. While this is causing you so much emotional pain, you are chasing an idea of a person, and not the person himself. It is as though you are walking forward with your head facing backwards!

Imagine if you meet a new friend and she or he finds that there is only a love-struck zombie in you, then she or he won’t be able to connect with you or exchange ideas and views, share thoughts, feelings and experiences, listen to you and be listened to, and have fun together. That person will be so disappointed!

Wake up and see that there is much to look forward to. Your family and existing friends would like your full attention. Once you’re done with school, there is college to go to; perhaps get-togethers and weddings to attend and new people to meet… the future can be quite exciting… if you let it!

So, let the ghost of this boy go. Come back to the ‘present’…you’re missing out so much!

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.