I don’t know whether he likes me

There’s a guy in my school whom I like but I don’t know whether he likes me or not. I told my friend about this and she told me to tell him about my feelings — if he says ‘yes’ it’s good and if he says ‘no’ the doubt will be cleared. What do you think I should do?
Renita (14) / Mumbai

Dear Renita,

You have some pretty strong feelings for this guy in your school and you’re dying to find out whether he likes you in return.

But it is not just a simple matter of going up to him and telling him that you like him and asking him whether he likes you. What would you want to have happen after that?

Expressing your liking can only help you to know whether he is interested in knowing you, because liking someone you don’t yet know, and have never interacted with, is not the same as being in love. For love to grow, you need to get to know each other over a longer period of time. Also, telling someone about your feelings requires you to be vulnerable and trust that person with your feelings; this kind of trust only comes when there is a true friendship.

It makes more sense to get introduced as friends and to grow your friendship. Time will tell you whether your feelings are short-lived ones or the long-lasting kind; and also whether he truly returns your feelings.

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.