Counselling 

I have turned into a compulsive liar

Nasreen Hashambhoy ,

Ever since I have grown into an adolescent, I have always had this sheer desire towards perfection. I have always tried hard to be perfect in everything I do including studies, domestic responsibilities and all other activities. But the more I want to build myself into a perfect and idealistic person, the messier I become. I just want to stand out in the crowd as an extraordinary and spotless character. But in this process I have turned into a person with huge insecurities hidden beneath my shell of confidence. I have turned into a toxic, narcissistic, clingy, impulsive and most unfortunately, a compulsive liar. I feel disgusted and guilty. But please help me come out of this phase and be what I am supposed to be. Help me to get rid of compulsive lying and be myself happily.
Namrata (16)

Dear Namrata,

I appreciate you for your self-awareness — it is a superb quality and a great starting point for change!

Here’s the ‘mental’ math that you are doing: Ideal me in future – Ideal me now = I have to be perfect forever = Shortfall + I don’t love myself + Negative self-image and Cover-ups (Closed mindset). You can see how it puts you in an imaginary prison of your own making.

So, how about a new equation: Realistic yet Ideal me in future – Real me now = Areas I can work on + I love myself and don’t have to be perfect + Positive self-image (Open mindset).

Over the next few weeks, keep a journal of your strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives, likes and dislikes. Each day, take one of the positives and write out why you are grateful they are there. When you’re ready, take a few not-so-positive things and write why you are grateful that these too are there in your life. Pick the ones you want to change and be patient with yourself while doing so.

No one is perfect. You could compare it to the sun — it is not perfect, it has spots, yet it radiates its light. Similarly, if you love yourself for who you are, you will automatically start radiating the joy and happiness you feel within.

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.