My parents are starting to hate me

My parents are beginning to hate me (especially my mother) and my relatives have also started to hate me. They say that I have become too rude and don’t listen to them. I agree with them that I have changed, but the main reason for this is my bench-mate in school. She always disturbs and distracts me during the class while the teacher is explaining. She talks to me about her parents so badly during the break time that has really influenced me in a bad way. I, too, act very rudely to my parents like her. I want to change but I can’t. I just want to get rid of her and be the confident, smart and good girl I used to be.
Disha (13) / Guwahati

Dear Disha,

You’re feeling quite helpless that you are not able to take charge of yourself and become the confident, smart girl that you used to be. But at the same time, you seem to be willingly giving away your inner power and letting your bench-mate ‘programme’ you as if you are a ‘robot’ with no control over your own thoughts and actions.

If you really want to change, make up your mind to and you will find a way. Set yourself your own goals for your future instead of blaming your bench-mate. Be firm each time with this person and say that you want to focus on what the teacher is saying and that it would be great if she would stop doing whatever she is doing. If she doesn’t listen, ask your teacher to change your place or hers.

I doubt your parents or relatives hate you; they, and especially your mother, must be feeling quite frustrated and hurt that you have become so different. If you take steps to change yourself and are happier, she will automatically feel happier too.

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.