Phone deals and beard deals!

Sale sign surrounded by shopping doodle

It was a huge ad in the newspaper, not just a page, but two; it showed pictures and prices of scores of items that were going at a discount. There were beard trimmers going at two hundred and forty nine bucks, vegetable cutting machines for less than five hundred, cell phones going dirt cheap, they said, T-shirts at one ninety-nine, and cricket bats starting at two-fifty!

Spectacular I thought to myself! It’s a real deal, said my greedy, bargaining mind.

“You’ve got every one of them!” whispered my common sense.

Yes, I had all of them, most in working condition, except the beard trimmer which needed a new set of batteries, and what I didn’t have I didn’t need!

I mean I don’t think I’d be able to do much more to my face with the face massager offered at two hundred and fifty, and how many more guys and girls did I have to impress with a new phone?

Yet, I stared at the ad again and again, wondering why I shouldn’t take part in the lucrative deals, deals and deals offered.

The other day I’d seen a neighbour placing some sofas and dining chairs on his terrace. “They seem good!” I said.

“The wife’s fed up with them!” he said.

“Are they broken?” I asked.

“They’re out of fashion!” he said.

I sank into one of the chairs, “Very comfortable!” I said.

“Well, she isn’t with them!” he said with a tone of finality, “And I got my bonus yesterday!”

I looked at the poor chairs as they stared back at me. “Thrown out because of a bonus!” they seemed to cry.

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Robert Clements
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Robert Clements

Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist with an estimated readership of 6 million. He also conducts a short-term writer’s course. Contact him on for more details.