Why do you think you get bullied?

Photo: © Shriya Kanodia

Bullying: A new way of life?

Time and again, people allow others to take them for granted. They listen to unpleasant things said about them, swallow the hurt, bury the pain and ignore the resultant scars. After a while it appears like they welcome the crowd to step on their dignity and treat them without respect, care and kindness. Why some bullies like to do this to others is a complex and vile mystery of human nature, but why some of us endure it incessantly is even more flummoxing.

Do you like passivity?

At the core of our passivity lies the fear of what will happen if we actually stood up to fight for what we believed was right in the first place. We don’t like being crushed, but we don’t like standing up for ourselves either, do we? There is always a vicarious gain to passivity. It allows us to brood, grumble and protest, even though we don’t enjoy any of this. It consents for passive aggressive resentment to build because we have forgotten how to build on better and stronger emotions so these are the only ones that are allowed to fester.

You miss the point

We don’t like it when people bully us but if we had to oppose them we worry we’ll be further humiliated. And we fear they’ll come back with a vengeance to bully us further and harder.

Do you know the story of the man, who fed grains to the pigeons outside his kitchen window every morning? He complained every day — these birds mess the place, make noise, leave their droppings on my windowsill, their feathers give me an allergy; and yet I can do nothing about it. They come every morning to trouble me. If I don’t feed them they’ll sit here forever. At least I’m at peace for the rest of the day, for once I feed them, they fly away and I’m relaxed until the next morning.

Are you missing the same point he was missing?

You bully yourself

We don’t like it when people bully us but if we had to oppose them we worry we’ll be further humiliated. And we fear they’ll come back with a vengeance to bully us further and harder.

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Dr Shefali Batra

Dr Shefali Batra

Founder at MindFrames
Dr Shefali Batra, Psychiatrist and Cognitive Therapist, is the Founder of Mindframes and Co-founder of InnerHour. She is available at shefali@theinnerhour.com. Read more at mindframes.co.in and theinnerhour.com
Dr Shefali Batra

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Dr Shefali Batra

Dr Shefali Batra, Psychiatrist and Cognitive Therapist, is the Founder of Mindframes and Co-founder of InnerHour. She is available at shefali@theinnerhour.com. Read more at mindframes.co.in and theinnerhour.com