I can’t say no to anyone
I’m a 17-year-old girl studying in class 12. I am preparing for IIT and am highly focused. But since the past few months I’m a bit disturbed because of a boy. We met as common friends but he has started liking me. He is in college therefore he need not worry about his studies. I’m concerned about mine because my parents really work hard to make me study. I belong to a middle-class family still I am studying in a costly school. I believe I have the capacity to crack the various entrance exams with a good rank, provided these obstacles don’t come in my way. Moreover, I don’t like these things (romance, etc) either. He is a good person and I like him but I’ve never thought of him as a boyfriend. I’ve explained it to him a number of times .This has led to a situation where I have agreed to say yes to him after the JEE mains paper. I’m really worried about that day. We talked regularly but now I’ve reduced it. This makes him sad and irritated. Sometimes I, too, have the urge to talk to him but when I do so I feel irritated. He is not that attractive but the concern he shows towards me stops me from hurting him. Also I can’t say no to anyone. He has a lot of pics of mine and now I feel that if I hurt him he may misuse those pics. Please help me.
Anshima
Dear Anshima, you are an intelligent, hard-working and highly-focused girl, preparing for IIT. Your parents are making sacrifices to support your studies and you are well aware of your family problems. In this situation, you have allowed a “common friend” whom you never thought of “as a boyfriend” to enter into a deeper relationship with you (“he has a lot of pics of mine”) and you are confused about how to deal with him. You do not love him but cannot tell him clearly that the relationship with him is not a priority in your life and that you want just to be his friend. You have made enough mistakes in this relationship by not being true to your commitments in life and your family expectations. You have to tell him clearly that for you he is just a friend and that you want to keep this relationship within the boundaries of friendship. If he does not agree to that you will have to reduce your contact with him even further and finally even stop this relationship. There are situations in life when we should have the courage to say “no” to someone in order to be true to ourselves.
Dr Anthony Grugni, MD, was associated with The Teenager Today for nearly three decades in the capacity of youth counsellor.
