I did not like where I was buried so I’m relocating

My mother said if I don’t stop using fb she will bang my head on keyboard. But I know she will never do that coz she loves mewetdssxcvnklk jfsaarfscnnlknvdgjjbcfggukkfrh hvvvrrjbzddsazv bdwjjhguoiufde!
Prapti Adhikari / Gandaki Boarding School, Pokhara, Nepal

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My wife complained that we don’t spend enough time together… I’m taking her to the ATM tomorrow!

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In a geometry exam
Question: Name four types of triangles
Student answer: 1. Acute triangle, 2. Obtuse triangle, 3. Isosceles triangle, 4. Love triangle!

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A coffin maker was on his way to deliver one of his coffins one night when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some easy money off him: “Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going?”
The man replied: “I did not like where I was buried so I’m relocating.”
The policemen fainted.

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Please pray for me. I will be going to the hospital tomorrow. I think I have a problem with my eyes. Every time I look into my wallet, I see nothing.

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A man called a newspaper office to print the news of the death of his grandfather.
Clerk: “It will be Rs 50 per word.”
Man: “You can print: ‘Grandfather dead’.”
Clerk: “Sorry, sir. It has to be a minimum of five words.”
Man: “Then please print: ‘Grandfather dead; wheelchair for sale.’”
Son: “Dad, there’s a small get-together at school tomorrow.”
Father: “Small get-together? How small?”
Son: “Only me… you… and the principal!”

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A young boy was suffering from loose motions. He did not want to say the words ‘loose motion’ to the doctor. So he explained in new generation style: “Doctor, since morning, unlimited free outgoing. New ringtones have also started. No balance in my stomach. If I recharge, within one minute balance becomes nil. Doc, can you please disconnect the offer?”

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Man: “I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife.”
Friend: “Wow! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer!”

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Me: “I’m just going to rest my eyes for five minutes.”
Me (after waking up): “What day, month, year and century is this?”

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Girl: “Hey, what are you doing?”
Guy: “PHD.”
Girl: “Wow! Doctorate?”
Guy: “No… Pizza Hut Delivery!”

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Relatives: “Son, what do you do?”
Me: “Business.”
Relatives: “What kind of business?”
Me: “None of your business!”