Funny Bone

The four stages of a haircut

They say the heart rests for double the amount of time it works. In this sense, I’m the heart of my family!
Rajeshwaari Kalla / Jaipur

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My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.

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When someone says, “Nothing can be more complicated than love”, just throw your engineering or medical books at them!

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Head of HR: “This is your revised salary. Keep it confidential.”
Employee: “Don’t worry. I’m equally ashamed of it!”

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Me (after 5 minutes of studying): “Break time!”

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Shortest love story
Boy: “Excuse me…”
Girl: “Yes, bro?”
The End

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Waiter: “What’s your order, sir?”
Man: “One kadhai paneer and three butter naan.”
Waiter: “And in dessert, sir?”
Man: “I like camel rides.”

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She: “Hello baby, I’m thinking of you…”
He: “I haven’t received my salary as yet.”
She: “Okay, I have to go. Daddy’s here!”
Son: “Dad, can I go to my friend’s house for a party?”
Dad: “Ask your mom.”
Son: “Mom, can I go to my friend’s house for a party?”
Mom: “Ask your dad.”
Son: “Is this home or a bank?

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Whoever thinks that money doesn’t bring happiness, please transfer it to my account.

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“I just left my job. I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me.”
“What did he say to you?”
“He said: ‘You’re fired!’”

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When I don’t reach home on time
How my dad reacts: “Must be stuck in traffic.”
How my brother reacts: “I’m never allowed to hang out for so long!”
How my mom reacts: “My son has been kidnapped!”

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Son: “Our neighbour’s daughter doesn’t speak English.”
Father: “How do you know?”
Son: “I said to her: “Give me a kiss.’ And she gave me a slap!”

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On Facebook…
She: “Let me tell you a story. One day…”
Me: “MATARAM!”
*blocked*

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The four stages of a haircut: 1. Hatred, 2. Regret, 3. Sadness, 4. Acceptance.

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The dress code for a party was “black tie only“. Johnnie goes for the party and is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing suits as well!

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Son: “Dad, what is an ‘idiot’?”
Dad: “An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?”
Son: “No.”