I like a guy in my parish. He used to like me too, but now he doesn’t take notice of me. I feel very bad. My friends say that he doesn’t deserve a girl like me, and that he flirts with all the girls. What should I do to forget him?
You feel bad that this guy in your parish doesn’t take notice of you. But your friends seem to think ‘doesn’t deserve a girl like you’. Is it that you still want him to notice you? Think about it… if your partner is someone who flirts with others, how long will you be happy with him?
Rather than trying to ‘forget’ someone, it is more helpful to see it as ‘moving on’. Moving on means there is a new destination, new scenery. Imagine you have ‘left him behind’ and get a change of scenery by getting involved in some new activities.
Give him less importance. Make an ‘Importance Meter’ by writing down things that are important to you. E.g., family time, studies, music… whatever you want. Rank each on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is most important. Rank this person too. If he is in the top there, bring him down the scale by focusing on the things you enjoy doing and being with people you like. Make a choice.
For persistent thoughts, do a ‘replace’. Just as in a Word document, you can ‘find’ and ‘replace’, words; similarly, each time you think of him replace it either with a thought of something else that has meaning for you or replace it with a prayer.
Most of all, value yourself. Choose someone who cares for you, rather than flirts around. Don’t settle for less.
Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.