Youth Counselling

He is very stone-hearted

I have feelings for a boy (my senior) but he doesn’t have any idea how I feel. I have never spoken to him. I know that he is not interested in me and would definitely say ‘no’ to me. He is also very stone-hearted. Even so, I cannot control my feelings. Whenever I see him I can only think of one thing — that I love him. I can’t share my problem with my parents because they don’t approve of a relationship at such a young age. I am mentally very upset and can’t concentrate on my studies.
Ruchika (16)

Dear Ruchika,

Like the chaataka bird is said to be in love with the moon, which is unattainable, you seem to be yearning for someone who is unattainable at this moment, and this is making you emotionally distraught.

Love is when two individuals share a bond of friendship combined with attraction, and accept and commit to each other, with the intent of working on their relationship to keep it going. Romance is temporary and the initial attraction remains only if the foundation of friendship exists.

If you ‘have never spoken’ to this boy, how can love blossom? How would you know that ‘he would definitely say ‘no’’? And how would you know that he is ‘stone-hearted’? If he is stone-hearted what attracts you to him? Without getting to know each other, it is not possible to say a true ‘yes’ to a relationship. So, first make friends with him, with no expectations of a relationship. This way, you won’t be upsetting your parents, and will also find out if he is the right guy.

At the same time, focus on your friendships and your career, develop your personality, hobbies, and play a sport/exercise. This way, you will have lots to look forward to instead of crying for the moon.

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Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.