Youth Counselling

He thinks I’m stupid and silly

I have a boyfriend and we love each other very much but the problem is that he thinks I’m stupid and silly, that every time he is right and I am wrong. It hurts me a lot. I feel very sad when he makes me feel this way. How can I show him that I’m not stupid?
Shona (16)

Dear Shona,

You are feeling quite hurt and sad because you have been judged by someone you care for.

Looks like your boyfriend has the need to be seen as smarter than you. For this, he has to be right, and you have to be wrong, stupid and silly. Seems like this isn’t about you; it is about him.

If you ask yourself: ‘Am I really ‘stupid’ and ‘silly’?’ and ‘What proof do I have?’, your answer will certainly be ‘No’ and you will have examples to prove it. None of us are stupid and silly; we are all simply at different levels of growth and learning, and it’s okay to be at whatever level we are. If another person judges your worth, it only shows that the person who judges feels insecure about his/her own worth. Is there any point then in trying to prove to that person that you are not what they call you?

Let your boyfriend know that it hurts you when he judges you this way and that if you are to be in a loving relationship, then you both need to accept each other unconditionally. If he does not respond positively, ask yourself: Is it eroding my confidence to be in this relationship? Do I feel resentful about this treatment? If yes, then it is time to love, appreciate and honour yourself, and consider moving on. If he does, then wonderful. Good luck!

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Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.