He told me that he hates me

My friend is studying in another class of the same school as I am. I teased him by spreading rumours for fun. Normally, he doesn’t take it seriously, but this time he did. I said sorry but he is not responding, and not listening to me. I gave him a letter to know if he wants to be my friend or not but he tore it up. He spoke to me using foul language and called me names. I was heart-broken when he told me that he hates me.
Sree Sabareesh S. (13)

Dear Sree,

Spreading rumours means spreading false stories or lies about someone. And it can have very serious effects when you cross a limit, as you have seen with your friend. Unfortunately, you seem to be feeling more heart-broken that he hates you, rather than remorseful that you hurt him. Perhaps you thought it was not such a big deal, but for your friend it certainly was.

If you focus more on your friend’s feelings, you will realize that even though you said ‘sorry’, you have not really shown him that you truly feel bad about what you did. Giving him a letter asking him to ‘decide’ whether he wanted to be your friend is a ‘thinking’ thing that is pushing his ‘feelings’ of hurt aside. It would have been better to have just apologized and shown him that you care about him and that you are truly sorry for your actions.

At present, it is best to leave your friend alone and respect his decision about whether he wants to be your friend or not. Going forward, it would be nice if you were more sensitive to and considerate about others’ feelings. Maintain healthy boundaries and you will enjoy mutual respect and love.

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.