Youth Counselling

Her actions remind me of the past

I’m in a relationship with a girl for the past three years. We lived in the same city for two years but she went to Delhi for higher studies, last year. She cheated me and became friendly there with another guy. I forgave her for that and tried to move on but some of her actions even now remind me of the past. I had a word about this with her but she tells me that she is just not able to give me time because of her schedules. What should I do? 
Rishi (19)

Dear Rishi,

Looks like you feel quite suspicious about this girl’s actions, because ‘they even now remind you of the past’, and your level of suspicion is slowly overtaking any level of trust that you had in her, earlier.

On the one hand, she has already ‘cheated’ you once, so it is possible that she may be cheating you again. On the other, it could also be possible that she is online at night to study and do reference work for assignments. So, either you take her word for what she says or discuss your fears with her, without being judgemental. On your part, you will need to deal with your fears and work to overcome your suspicious thoughts, for once the seed of suspicion is sown, no matter what the real situation, you may first tend to doubt what she says.

Long-distance relationships require a foundation of deep trust plus plenty of nurturing from both the individuals. So, if you both wish to continue with the relationship, it is important for both of you to willingly set aside some time — even if it is once in two weeks — to communicate, to share your thoughts, feelings and your lives with each other to connect at deeper levels.

If giving some time to the relationship is not feasible, it is best to put things on hold or even to let the relationship go.

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Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.