A year and a half ago, I met a boy with whom I fell deeply in love. We loved each other and that was it; neither I nor he made any commitment towards our relationship. We never had a date or anything. Every evening, I used to go to the beach to view the sunset and would always find him sitting there, perhaps waiting for me. Today, it has been three months since his death. Although I do not feel any emotion, I can still feel his presence. I am unable to move on as his memory still haunts me. Please help me.
The tragic death of this boy whom you loved has shocked you. Looks like you feel numb inside and are unable to feel your grief. Please know that it is okay to give yourself some time to come to terms with his going.
While he may not be present in physical form, you do feel his presence. Perhaps this is his message to you: That there is no need for you to ‘move on’ but there is a need to acknowledge that he has gone and he will remain with you in your memory.
It is important to honour this connection that you feel and express it. Perhaps you can create a small space at home for a short period of time to honour his memory. You could draw something that reminds you of him or keep a picture or object that you connect with him — maybe a picture of the sunset? Then light a diya or a candle in memory of him every day for some time. Keep some flowers. If you prefer to express yourself in writing, you can keep a journal of your feelings. At the same time, if you feel you need more help, it would be good if you can meet a counsellor in person.
Remember that while you grieve for him right now, he would certainly want you to live your life and blossom over the years. Perhaps he wanted you to find your inner strength and has become your invisible guide.
Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.