I went to a yoga class today. The instructor gave me a yoga mat and told me to only do what I felt comfortable doing. So I took a nap.
Fairy tale in the future…
“Smartphone, smartphone on a selfie stick, who has the fairest profile pic?”
Wife: “Should I make pulao or biryani?”
Husband: “First make it, then we’ll name it!”
In a tuition class…
Teacher: “How was the test?”
Student: “Good. I even scored 2 extra marks than expected.”
Teacher: “Wonderful! You make me so proud! Let me see the paper.”
Student shows her his test paper with 2 out of 100 written on it!
The wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
Husband: “I love you.”
Wife: “I love you, too! In fact, I love you so much I will fight the whole world for you.”
Husband: “But you fight with me the most!”
Wife: “That’s because you are the world to me!”
I always learn from the mistakes of others… who take my advice!
Teacher: “How can we keep the school clean?”
Student: “By staying at home!”
The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money!
Most wonderful news in school life: “Teacher is absent!”
80% of the exam is always based on 1 lecture that you missed and 1 topic which you didn’t prepare.
A man hurts himself in a fall and goes to the doctor.
Doctor: “You’ll need stitches.”
Man: “How much will it cost?”
Doctor: “Rs 5,000.”
Man: “Five thousand! Is this for stitches or embroidery?”
Definition of a minor heart attack: When you can’t feel your phone in your pocket.
Before the exam
Boy: “Bro, did you study for the exam?”
Friend: “Of course not!”
Boy: “High Five!”
During the exam
Boy: “Dude, we’re gonna fail together!”
Friend: “Ha, ha, ha! I know, bro!”
After the exam
Boy: “Bro, I failed big time! How about you?”
Friend: “Dude, I don’t know how I did it, but I somehow passed!”
If I show you a picture on my phone, don’t swipe left, don’t swipe right, just look!
Teacher: “Why’re you sleeping in class?”
Student: “Your voice is so sweet that it lulls me to sleep.”
Teacher: “Then why aren’t other students sleeping?”
Student: “That’s because they aren’t listening to you!”
Relationship status “single” doesn’t always mean that you are alone… sometimes it means “my family members are in my friend list”!
Teacher: “Correct the sentence… A bull and a cow is grazing in the field.”
Student: “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.”
Teacher: “Why did you correct it like that?”
Student: “Ladies first!”