I always think of him whenever I study

I like a boy in my school. His friends tell me that he has a crush on me and sometimes he shows this, too, through his behaviour. Because of him I can’t concentrate on my studies. I always think of him whenever I study. I want to ask him if it is true that he likes me. But before going to him, I want to know if I am doing the right thing.
Ishi (14)

Dear Ishi,

Seems like you feel some excitement and anticipation to know whether a boy has a crush on you or not and want to ask him directly. However, you face a dilemma about whether you’re doing the right thing.

Whether you are doing the right thing or not will depend on what you want, your values and what is important to you.

To clarify your thinking, here are some questions you can ask yourself:

  • Do I want to be in a relationship? Or do I want friendship?
  • What is the most important focus in my life at present? Studies? Relationships? Family? Career? Friendships? (Rank these for yourself)
  • What benefit will I get by asking him whether he likes me or not? (I will feel good about myself/I will get peace of mind if I know for sure/It will help me decide whether I want to be in a relationship with him/All of these/Something else.)
  • What is my expectation from being friends/in a relationship with this boy? How will my family react?
  • What would be his expectations? Will I be agreeable to meeting those?

If you don’t want a relationship and you just want to know, by asking him you will end up hurting him and yourself. Hope this helps you to take your decision.

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.