I am failing almost all of my tests and I can’t manage my time. I have the feeling that my parents hate me, especially my dad who has abused my mother several times in front of me and my brother. Although my brother is four years older than me, he always gets scared during these fights, while I, on the other hand, know how to deal with it. I have already made a plan, i.e., when I am in college, I will move out. Also, my school friends don’t know anything about me. They make me feel like a total outcast, like I don’t belong with them. All my teachers shout at me for not completing my projects and copies on time, but what they don’t know is that deep down I am a sad and mortified kid who doesn’t know what to do and how to do anything. This is the first time I am opening up to someone and getting the pain off of my chest.
S. M. (13)
Dear S.M., thank you for opening up for the first time. I can imagine how tough this situation has been for you. I do not suggest you open up to anyone who you are not comfortable with. When we share something with someone, we generally expect certain answers of reassurance, and if you are not getting those and don’t feel validated enough, it is best not to disclose your past. I also feel it is very important for every person to have a source of venting. If you don’t receive that from someone known, I suggest you speak to your school counsellor who will certainly guide you better. Being in a traumatic household, focusing on studies can be very difficult, however, I also want you to know that if you wish to live separately in the long run, you would need to be independent financially and emotionally. One of the keys to this is by focusing on your academics now so you can be capable enough to move out and find yourself the right sources. At this point you are very young and naïve; I don’t want you to fall prey to any bad influence or listen to anyone advising you wrongly. Your past will take time to get buried, but what you do in your present will ultimately curate your future.
Dr Alisha Lalljee is a Psychologist (M.A.), Special Educator (M.Ed) and Psychotherapist. She holds an MBA in clinical research and hospital management. Visit her website www.alishalalljee.com