Youth Counselling

I am jealous of my brother

I am studying in Std. XII. My elder brother scored very high marks in his HSC examinations and is now studying in a medical college. My percentage, compared to his, is far less. My parents scold me saying that I alone am responsible for my own success or failure in life. Every day I fight with my brother over the way I study. I am jealous of him and unhappy, too.
Rahul

Dear Rahul,

It is truly said that ‘Comparison kills joy’. Look at the unhappiness and guilt that comparison and jealousy has brought you. Your brother instead is your ready-made buddy @ home! Celebrate your differences and your similarities. Find things to do together and don’t lose out on the relationship, for ‘Appreciation brings joy’!

Assuming you’re in Class XII Science stream. You need to study for a minimum of 4 to 6 hours with focus. For this 1) Identify your ‘high energy’ hours and study at that time; 2) Use the 25-minute Pomodoro technique (look up the Internet); 3) Solve lots of papers; 4) Make notes; and 5) Repeat each topic at regular intervals.

Each person is unique, and so are you. So, take some quiet time out and identify and write down your talents, strengths, weaknesses, hopes, desires and your career goal. Your goal should be your own and not something you want to compete with your brother; to win your parents’ and his admiration. Knowing what you want will motivate you to achieve it and will give you satisfaction. Once you have decided ‘what’, look at the ‘how’, i.e. plan what you need to do to achieve this — in terms of qualifications, resources, and time. Then make every effort to achieve it and take responsibility for both the process and the outcome/result.

You can choose whether you want to succeed…or not. Choices have consequences. So, making a wise choice is about responsibility!

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Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.