I am losing friends

I am a Class 9 student and I recently realized that I am losing friends. Earlier we used to have a large group of friends. But now teachers and students have started disliking me. There are a few teachers to whom I am a favourite student, but a few teachers really hate me; I don’t know why. I want to create a good image in school, but since I can’t do so I cannot concentrate on my studies.
Aman (14)

Dear Aman,

It must be distressing for you to lose friends and to think that the teachers and students dislike you when you so wish to be liked.

It looks like you are trying too hard to ‘create a good image in the whole school’. Not only is it unrealistic to try and make everyone like you, it also puts people off when you try too hard to impress them. When you create an image, people don’t get to see your true self. If that is the case, people will certainly find it difficult to like or to make friends with you.

On the other hand, it can be quite natural for the number of ‘friends’ to become smaller. As we grow older, our personalities develop and our values get defined. We become more aware of our own likes, dislikes and interests and we are drawn to people with whom we share common things. So, some friends may drift away, while new ones come into our lives. It is said that while we can have many ‘friends’, we can most effectively maintain a very close bond with around five ‘close or best friends’ at a time. So, focus on them.

This is the best time to find your true self and radiate it. Those who are naturally attracted to you will be drawn to you. Let others go with gratitude.

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.