I am a student of class 10. Since the past two years there is a complete change in my behaviour. I have many friends but there is only one whom I can trust. But since the past few days I am hearing many rumours that she is backbiting me. I also feel that she is avoiding me. I don’t know whom to trust and whom not to. This is resulting in stress and I am not able to concentrate on my studies.
Anshika / Delhi
You are currently feeling quite insecure about your relationship with your closest friend. You also feel suspicious of others’ motives and are confused about whom to place your trust in.
Suspicion arises when we think that something may be happening or is true, but we have no evidence for it yet. So if you think your friend is backbiting you, go up to her and clarify it. While you may not share your deepest thoughts and feelings with everyone, withdrawing from others will not help you build a relationship with anyone.
Trust takes time to build. When deciding whom to trust, look out for the following: Is that person relaxed, open and transparent with you? Does s/he maintain eye contact? Does s/he listen to what you have to say without judging, and confide in you in turn? Is this person dependable — is s/he there for you when you need him/her and does s/he do what she says each time?
You say that there has been a complete change in your behaviour since two years. If something so drastic has happened to make you mistrust others, do approach your school counsellor who will help you work through it.
Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.