Youth Counselling

I don’t want to lose this friendship

I have a best friend since the past five years. Now she is angry with me just because I went out with another friend without her several times without telling her. I have tried to make up with her in different ways. I message her every day but she does not reply. I went over to her house to apologise but she ignored me and asked me to leave. I am really upset and don’t want to lose this friendship. Please help me.
Ankita (17)

Dear Ankita,

You are quite upset that your friend is not talking to you and feel regretful about what happened. While you may not have hurt her on purpose, from her point of view, it looks like she felt extremely hurt and insecure that you went out with someone else without telling her.

As an individual, you are free to meet whosoever you choose to, and do not need to inform anyone about what you do. That said, in a close friendship, we begin to have expectations of each other that as a basic courtesy, you simply say, ‘Hey, I met up with ‘xyz’ and we plan to meet up again.’

But what is done is done now. You did your best and tried to make up with your friend. Messaging her daily is like scratching a wound and not allowing it to heal. So, it is best to give her space to work out her feelings.

To gain closure for yourself, wait for a suitable time — maybe two or three months — then write her a short letter saying sorry; that while you didn’t mean it, you do realize your mistake; and that you care for her. Let her know that you just wanted to share this and if she chooses to cut off the relationship, you respect her and wish her well. Then drop it. Accept that she may not respond. Good luck!

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Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.