I feel ignored and depressed

I love a boy in my class and he also loves me. We are in a relationship since the past two years. Everything was good for some time, but since the past one year he has changed a lot. I feel ignored sometimes. He always makes excuses for everything. I am so addicted to him that I want to spend most of my time with him, but he is always busy doing some work. I feel ignored and depressed.
Anshu (16)

Dear Anshu,

It seems your boyfriend’s lack of attention to you, and his excuses make you feel hurt and rejected. If you’re ‘so addicted to him that you want to spend most of your time with him’, then it looks like you need him more than he needs you. If you are being so clingy, it can make your partner feel suffocated.

From what you say, he seems to be avoiding you. Perhaps something is bothering him or has put him off; or his priorities have changed; or he is no longer interested in you. Either way, it seems that he isn’t telling you what is bothering him, so it is best to ask him directly. Say that you have observed that he avoids spending time with you, making some excuse or other. Be encouraging and open to listening even if what he says is not what you want to hear. If he is still interested, discuss what changes you both need to make in order to make your relationship better.

For a healthy relationship, you both need to be yourself and feel good about yourself that you are not dependent on or ‘addicted’ to your partner. Develop your personality and interests; have your own friends as well as common friends; have your own interests even as you share some interests with each other. Focus on becoming a well-rounded personality. This will help to change the quality of your relationships.

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.