I love a girl who is older than me

I am a 16-year-old boy. I love a girl who is three years older than me. I’ve had feelings for her right from the beginning. I proposed to her but she did not give me an answer. After some days she said ‘yes’. But, my friends are discouraging me saying she is older than me, and telling me to leave her. All the same, I love her.

Dear Amol,

You feel attracted to an older girl but are being discouraged by your friends from pursuing the relationship. Your friends do mean well for you (it is a bonus if our friends are on our side, and they also like the person we are interested in) so do acknowledge their concern and thank them for it.

In a relationship, what is more important than age is the quality of the bond you share, and this bond takes time and effort to develop. More important than ‘proposing’ to her is getting to know each other as friends. Declaring love for someone before you even know him/her as a person is like putting the cart before the horse… it is liking a ‘dream image’ of that person and not the person. So, slow down and get to know her first. Later, introduce her to your friends and include her in your group if everyone is comfortable. Once you have gotten to know each other, you take the relationship forward suitably. Where’s the hurry?

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.