Youth Counselling

I need a boyfriend

I am a 16-year-old girl who is very popular in school, and among my friends. But I do not have a boyfriend. I feel jealous seeing my friends with their boyfriends. I am the centre of attraction wherever I go, but boys always treat me as a good friend or as a sister, which I hate! I want to have a proper boyfriend like any other normal girl and not just loads of friends!

Dear Karina,

Sounds like you feel quite frustrated that even though you are immensely popular among your friends, you are seen as just a buddy or a sister.

If guys treat you like a buddy or a sister, it would help to reflect on whether you might actually be playing that role with them without realising it. Notice your own behaviours — Do you treat guys like buddies? Do you use the same language that they do? Call your friends ‘bro’ or ‘yaar’ or something similar? Notice the kind of topics you discuss — are they about sports or something general, or about their girlfriends? Do you dress to hide your femininity and blend with the boys?

You say that you envy your friends who have boyfriends. Reflect on whether you prefer your popularity or would like to hang out with one guy and perhaps miss some of the attention you get. At the end of the day, it is not so much about ‘what guys really want’, but what you want and thus what messages you send out. When you are ready for a relationship, you will send out that message, and things will move in that direction.