Youth Counselling

I want to get physically intimate with my boyfriend

I want to get physically intimate with my boyfriend, not completely out of my choice, but he has told me this many times and I don’t want to disappoint him. I also feel that he loves me a lot and if this is something that he wants, I should not disappoint him. He has waited for long for me and I should comply. I feel that if I refuse, he may refuse to stay in the relationship any longer or may find another partner for himself. There is a difference between what I want out of the relationship and what he wants. Is my thinking on track? Is it okay to do something for your partner even if you don’t personally want to?
T.K. (15)

As I read the above question, I see a lot of statements directed at “he wants”, and rather a very few at “this is what I want” or “I don’t want this”. Every relationship is about two people and never one person. Your comfort is your priority, and you cannot allow anyone to touch you without your consent. If you feel this will salvage your relationship, your thinking is completely wrong. If you are taking a decision in order to please another person, you are going to fall in your own eyes. I suggest you talk to him about this and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you are not sure at this point and wouldn’t want to go ahead. If he is not happy or refuses to accept what you have said, you must know that this is not the right relationship for you.

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Dr Alisha Lalljee is a Psychologist (M.A.), Special Educator (M.Ed) and Psychotherapist. She holds an MBA in Clinical Research and Hospital Management.

Dr Alisha Lalljee

Dr Alisha Lalljee is a Psychologist (M.A.), Special Educator (M.Ed) and Psychotherapist. She holds an MBA in Clinical Research and Hospital Management.