I want to have a promising future

I’m a 15-year-old girl. I got into a relationship two months ago with a guy. We only chat online or talk on the phone. I have not told my parents about him. I have always been a brilliant student. My friends tell me that being in a relationship would ruin my future. I want to be happy and have a promising future.

Dear Payal,

Looks like you do know what you want — but your friends’ advice seems to have put you in a dilemma.

One of the ways relationships affect our present, and consequently our future is when we have unhealthy relationships. When a relationship comes along, we may be so attracted that we make the other person the centre of our lives and neglect all other things — studies, friends, family, career and personal growth. This becomes unhealthy when we begin to emotionally depend on the other person to fulfil all our needs. It is like putting all one’s eggs (hopes, dreams, needs) into one basket and when the basket falls, all the eggs shatter. A good thing to do now is to focus on being friends. It can be a special friendship but let it not be your only friendship. Do introduce him to your parents and your friends. Take things slow and steady… there is no rush.

Ensure that you focus equally on your studies and career, have your family time, time with other friends — which he may or may not be a part of. All of these are equally important. This may mean that you sometimes say ‘No’ to him (also permit him to say ‘No’ to you). If he truly cares, he will accept and support you.
If you are able to keep this balance and have a healthy relationship, you will be happy and have a promising future.

Nasreen Hashambhoy
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Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.