I’m not sure about my best friend’s friendship

I’m insecure about my best friend’s friendship with me. She is my best friend, but she has hostel and college friends, too, who are very close to her; they share everything with each other. She also shares with me all things but she doesn’t talk to me the way she talks to them. We’ve been friends since Std XII.

Dear Poonam,

Looks like you’re feeling insecure that your best friend appears to be closer to her hostel and college friends than to you, and this is making you jealous.

Each relationship is unique. Instead of comparing the relationship your friend shares with you, with the one she shares with her college/hostel mates, focus on the quality of your friendship with each other.

Accept that her college and hostel friends are dear to her and their bond is also close because they live together, so are you dear to her, only in a different way. Even though your friend has “moved” away, she has kept in touch with you. Her friends might be even admiring the long standing bond between the two of you!

Focus on deepening your bond with her: What do you love the most about her and the bond you share? What moments together have brought you joy? What would you like to do more with her? What would you like to change that will make your friendship more satisfying for both of you? Also focus on deepening other friendships. Relationships enrich our lives, and as we grow older, we usually let go of the idea of a ‘best friend’ and build more than one close relationship.
If you look at your friendship glass as half full, you won’t enjoy the refreshing flavour of the friendship drink that is actually present in your glass, and you will be ever thirsty. Instead, say “cheers” to a long-standing friendship!

Nasreen Hashambhoy
Latest posts by Nasreen Hashambhoy (see all)

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.