“I was made by a mistake!”

Sai (to a nurse in hospital): “I love you. You have stolen my heart.”
Nurse: “Oh no! We haven’t stolen your heart; we’ve only stolen your kidney!”
Derangula Chaitanya / APMS Jr College, Chittoor Dt, Andhra Pradesh

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A teacher asked her students to use the word ‘beans’ in a sentence.
“My father grows beans,” said one girl.
“My mother cooks beans,” said a boy.
A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.”
Twinkle Thakrar

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Teacher: “Convert this statement to passive voice — ‘I made a mistake’.
Johnnie: “I was made by a mistake.”
Sagar C. / Nazareth School, Chandapura, Bangalore

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Study for one hour, no one sees. Pick up my cell phone just for a second and mom/dad enters the room!

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Slogan on autorickshaw: I couldn’t afford Volkswagen… Thus auto!
Deeksha M. / Cluny Convent High School, Bangalore

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Teacher: “What will you be when you grow up?”
Boy: “I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and become a policeman.”
Teacher: “I didn’t know your father was a policeman.”
Boy: “He’s not, he’s a burglar!”
Vikrant Kembhavi / R.A. Podar College, Mumbai

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Salesperson in a cake shop: “Madam, shall I cut the cake into 6 pieces or 12 pieces?
Lady: “Cut it into 4 pieces only; I’m on a diet.”
Pratyosh Gogoi / DBHSS, Jorhat

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We all have that one friend who gets awesome food in school!

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India is the only country where distance is measured in time:
“Where are you?”
“Just 5 minutes away.”

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I’m on a seafood diet… When I “see food”, I eat it!

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Girl: “How do I look? I’ve just come from the beauty salon.”
Boyfriend: “So? Was it closed?”

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I’m looking for a bank that can do two things for me… give me a loan and then leave me alone!

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Kidnapper: “I have candy. Get in the van!”
Kid: “No way!”
Kidnapper: “There’s wi-fi in the van!”
Kid: “Okay!”

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My goal for 2015 is to accomplish the goals of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I made a promise in 2012 and planned in 2011.

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How to do Algebra:
1. Find a sum
2. Write it down
3. Cry

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Two minutes of silence for those who think they can score good marks by leaving Facebook before their exams.

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Girl: “Why aren’t you returning my calls?”
Boy: “I can explain.”
Girl: “Then explain!”
Boy: “I like my ringtone!”