My boyfriend is very dominating and abusive. I live with my aunt, and I have no one except him. We have been dating since three years and our relationship had been going pretty well but lately he gets angry for little things and doesn’t let me explain myself. Recently, I asked him what was his problem and he said that he was jealous of other boys whom I talk to as friends. He even slapped me but later apologized for his mistake. I still love him and I know he loves me, too. There is just a little misunderstanding between us and I want to end all these. How am I supposed to explain myself?
You are torn between feeling love for your boyfriend and disliking his ‘dominating and abusive’ behaviour. When you use the word ‘abusive’, then according to me, your ‘problems’ are not ‘just a little misunderstanding’, but something bigger.
Physical, emotional, sexual, and verbal abuse and violence in any relationship is a cause for grave concern. If you put up with it, you are ‘agreeing’ to be abused. And if you care for and respect yourself, you will take steps to put a stop to it, even if it means ending the relationship. If your boyfriend has resorted to slapping you today, it is highly likely he may do the same in future.
There is no need to explain your actions and behaviour to anyone, more so if they are unwilling to listen. Being in a relationship only because you feel that ‘you have no one except him’ is not a good enough reason. A relationship should be founded on love and mutual respect, not on feelings of dependence and loneliness. Make and meet new friends — both boys and girls — and keep a balance between friends and love. And, if you still choose to stay, then seek a professional relationship counsellor’s help and work on strengthening trust and love — the foundations of your relationship.
Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.