Youth Counselling

She ignores me

I am a girl of Std IX. I am not talking to my best friend since last year. Sometimes she tried to talk to me but I ignored her and now she is taking revenge. When I try to talk to her, she ignores me. I want to clear this matter but she is not ready. What should I do?
Khushi (13)

Dear Khushi,

I can see that you want to clear the air with your friend, and it is a good step you want to take. While I’m not sure what made you both stop talking to each other in the first place, it is quite clear that both of you have taken turns at ignoring each other, so it is tit-for-tat.

If you are feeling hurt and angry right now, it is quite certain that she felt hurt, puzzled and angry when you didn’t respond to her last year, and is still feeling the same way. You both need to deal with your own hurt and to forgive.

Unfortunately, things don’t always work on demand — when you want them to. When one person is ready, the other may not be ready, and that is okay. If she doesn’t wish to speak to you, it is better to respect her wishes and to wait until she is ready to communicate. If after a certain period of time — say 3 to 6 months — if she isn’t ready, you will need to accept her decision and move on.

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Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.