She “plays politics” with me

A new girl joined our class this year. I don’t know what it is about her but everybody likes her. Even my friends are always with her. She “plays politics” with me and I can’t stand her; because of her my friends have left me alone. How can I get my friends back and tell them that she isn’t a nice person?
Sheena (14)

Dear Sheena,

Looks like the new girl in your class is making you feel quite insecure and you ‘can’t stand her’. This new girl is quite popular, and everyone is attracted to her, including your friends. Seems like you feel helpless that you can do nothing about it.

It is not that a person is ‘a nice person’ or ‘not a nice person’. You think that she is not nice, but your friends think she is. So, reflect on what makes you say that she ‘isn’t a nice person’? Note down any evidence that you have for each reason. Have you interacted with her enough to get to know these things? What does she do when she “plays politics”’ with you? Have others also noticed the same things? If not, your friends will see that you feel jealous.

Instead of focusing on putting her down, focus on what makes you feel insecure and develop yourself in those areas. If you want your friends back, pay attention to your relationship with them and the fun you can have together. Your friends will not be happy around you if your attention is on her in a negative way.

How about going a step further and making friends with the new girl? Discover whether you find her truly nice or not. Perhaps it is not about competing with her, but all of you finding things in common and being friends. Might be more fun…

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.