Youth Counselling

Should I be her good friend again?

I had a best friend; once, we had a huge fight. I felt so disrespected, sad and angry that I spoke up to her. She is a very toxic person. She’d always suck all the positive energy out of me. I had to listen to all her problems but she’d never listen to mine. Whenever I didn’t say yes to what she wanted me to do, she’d play the victim card saying that everyone leaves her alone, and no one understands her. I always had to prove to her that I was a good friend and she made me do things I wouldn’t ever do. I lost one of my good friends because of her — she’d tell me, “Why do you hang out with her, she’s not smart or intelligent and rude, so, why do you?” So, I fought with my good friend; although now we’re friends again. Should I be a good friend to her again?
Sheerin

Dear Sheerin,

Great going! Looks like you have a pretty good handle on your situation and don’t quite need any advice from me! Yet, I sense a little bit of uncertainty about whether you are doing the right thing.

Some of the words you have used — “toxic person” who would “always suck all the positive energy out of me”, “play the victim card,” etc, show that you are quite aware of the fact that this friendship is going nowhere. If any person uses manipulation and sarcasm, puts you down or bosses over you and sucks your energy out — you can be sure that this person is playing games with you and games are not healthy for any relationship.

You show great certainty when you say, “I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t care for me as a friend.” Listen to this inner voice that shows you that you do know what is best for you. This alone should provide you the little reassurance that you need. You’re on the right track!

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Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.

Nasreen Hashambhoy

Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching, counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.