Sunday or Sone de?

My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke. So I used my payslip as the first slide.

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Girlfriend: “Let’s enjoy Saturday and Sunday.”
Boyfriend: “Good idea! Let’s meet on Monday!”

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I told a girl to text me when she got home. She must be homeless.

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A boy called his girlfriend and her father picks up the phone.
Father: “Hello, who’s this?”
Boy: “This is Amitabh Bachchan calling from Kaun Banega Crorepati! Your daughter’s friend is on the hot seat!”
The father gives the phone to his daughter in excitement.
Boy: “The question is… Where will you meet me this evening? Option A: Beach, Option B: Park, Option C: Coffee shop, Option D: Mall.”
Girl: “Option A!”
Boy: “Thank you… and your time is up!”
Moral: Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

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Today’s hospitality… when guests visit your home, ask them: “What will you have? Tea, Coffee or… wi-fi password?”

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Mom to her kids: “Whoever listens to me and doesn’t trouble me will get gifts.”
Kids: “That means Dad is going to get all the gifts!”

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I used to think drinking was bad for me. So I gave up thinking.

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Maths teacher: “If you give your friend Rs 5000, but he needs only Rs 4000, how much will he return?”
Student: “Nothing.”
Maths teacher: “You don’t know maths!”
Student: “You don’t know my friends!”

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My mind is like, “Let’s go the gym!” But my body is all, “Dude, chill! This couch is really comfortable.”

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The credit card department sent Johnnie a letter: “Your payments are outstanding.”
Johnnie wrote back: “Thanks for the compliment!”

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I did a push-up today… well, actually, I fell down. But I had to use my arms to push myself up, so close enough!

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Girl: “One kiss and I’ll be yours forever…”
Boy: “Thanks for the warning!”

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I loved a girl but she broke my heart. Now every piece of my heart loves a different girl. And people call me a flirt! Not fair, yaar!

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Two idiots were browsing through an e-shopping site.
First idiot: “Look at these gorgeous women! And the prices are reasonable, too!”
Second idiot: “I’m ordering one right now.”
One week later, the first idiot asks the second: “Has your woman arrived yet?”
Second idiot: “No, but it shouldn’t be long now. Her clothes arrived yesterday!”

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I feel sorry for kids of the next generation. They’ll have parents who know how to check last call duration, sent messages and browser history.

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How to call a family meeting in 3 easy steps:
1. Go to the wi-fi router.
2. Turn it off.
3. Wait in that room

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Sunday should be renamed as ‘Sone de’!