“Yes, Mom. It is up to me.”

“At the end of the day, it’s up to you” is a sentence adults say to teenagers a little too frequently for our liking, usually passive-aggressively or sarcastically. A couple of eye rolls and heavy sighs later, I began embracing the inevitable truth in this kind of annoying, abrupt dismissal.

Neuroplasticity, a concept in neuroscience, refers to the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. When it comes to learning from mistakes, every time we “mess up”, our brain goes through a process of rewiring.

In the adolescent years, the brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in the prefrontal cortex – the area responsible for decision-making, problem-solving, and social interactions – probably why we “mess up” so much. And, as we teenagers navigate this huge mess, our brains are highly responsive to new experiences, learning, and emotional development, to avoid the said “mess” in the adult years.

Traditionally, being a teenager is a sliver of overlap between what a child can’t do and what an adult can’t do. But the above very scientific reason opens a new door: what a teenager CAN do. And that, my friends, is “mess up”. It is a fundamental opportunity to shape and mould our lives in ways that set the stage for the future.

Here are some ways to get you started:

Embracing Independence
Craft your own superhero story – cape optional
One of the scariest yet most liberating gifts of our teenage years is the gradual inheritance of independence. It’s a time when making decisions for ourselves seem less embarrassing than relying on our parents to dictate our lives. These choices, however overwhelming, can also be so liberating. Remember, it is okay to make mistakes, provided you learn from them.
A little tip: When choosing your narrative, do not try to be someone else.

Living our best life requires a willingness to take charge. So, at the end of the day, it really is up to you.

Building Relationships
Choosing the supporting characters
As you change, so does the world around you. It is usually in this season when challenges that make-or-break relationships show themselves. Friends are the pillars of support that will get you through these years, so keep them close and keep them safe. Surround yourself with people who understand and value you.
Another little tip: Friendships and relationships don’t have to be inversely proportional.

Putting Safety First
Superheroes wear suits, too!
Teenage years will see you exposed to many, many new things – from driving to drugs. The skill here is to differentiate between “slay” and “stop”. Do not ever do anything you are not fully comfortable with, and don’t ever hesitate to ask for help should you need it. Remember, some mistakes are not worth making.

Living our best life requires a willingness to take charge. So, at the end of the day, it really is up to you — it is up to you how you want to live your life!